We Interrupt this Life…

Yesterday, I started writing a really emo post about all my worries, my fears, my dissatisfaction, and blah, blah, blah, oh my I feel so sorry for myself bs. Fortunately for me, it just wasn’t coming together.

Guess what yesterday was? PMS hormones from HELL. Any day I start off feeling great, get all worked up for no particular reason, have a random crying fit sometime around 1 or 2 p.m., then get caught up in the Pity Party Express – should ring a frakking bell. Helloooooo, PMS.

You know what? I don’t want to be emo. Nor do I want to sit around feeling sorry for myself. That kind of attitude ain’t gonna change shit.

Here’s the long and short of yesterday’s pity party: I’m stuck in a rut. In the past three or four months, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gained and lost the same five stupid pounds. Plus side, I’ve managed to maintain. Downside, I really wanted to get over the hump into that magical place called ONEderland.

To tell the truth, I know exactly why I’m stuck in this rut. My meal tracking: meh. Exercise: meh. I can tell you what I’ve been doing instead – gaming, going out, reading comics, drinking, rinse, later, repeat.

And, frankly, my motivation is in the tank. Why? Because I’m at a lower weight now than I was through most of college. Suddenly people are looking at me again. I’m not the fattest person in the room. I’m okay with how I look (mind you, I said ok, not great). I’m maintaining my weight loss. I don’t have the urge to eat the same crap I used to eat.

To quote Dr. Horrible, “The status is not quo”.

I think I have a subconscious fear of hitting my goal weight, and actually succeeding at this whole weight loss thing. Seriously, who the hell is SCARED of succeeding?

Something has got to give. This indifferent apathy to making any progress is not acceptable.

Okay, I accept I might be apathetic, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make some changes to see me through these dry times.

Question #1: What has been successful for me in the past? Writing out, keeping up with, and reading (every day) my reasons for losing weight. Planning out what I eat in advance. Light to moderate activity 4-5 times a week. Eating at least one serving of fruits and vegetables with every meal.

Question #2: What goals can I set to get me back on track? Now, I know setting date specific goals has never worked out for me. Look at my ill-fated ONEderland challenge back at the beginning of the year. Heh. See where I am now? Yeah. Great.

Goal 1: Lose five pounds.
Goal 2: Re-write my “Reasons I Want to Lose Weight”.
Goal 3: Exercise three times this week.
Goal 4: Track five of seven days this week.
Goal 5: Write a blog even if it’s just a sentence or two once a week.

Question #3: What can I do if I continue feeling this indifference to caring about losing weight? You’ve got me there. Anyone wanna be my weight loss buddy that I can text/e-mail/IM/call when apathy comes calling? I’ll do the same for you.

Well, that’s about it for now. Sorry for the prolonged absence. Can’t promise it’ll be any better in the near future, but I’m gonna try.


About singingforasmallerme

I'm just a girl doing a thing. A little sarcastic, a little cynical, and a total sassbot. Nothing's off limits here, but my primary focus is weight loss. Still, you might find commentary on anything ranging from makeup to music to fashion to beer and dancing.
This entry was posted in Challenges, postaweek2011, Ramblings, The Fourth Twenty Pounds and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to We Interrupt this Life…

  1. Daveg1701 says:

    You can do it!!! I will help.

  2. Lady, I will be your buddy! I have hit the worst plateau ever! By the way, glad you are back and blogging!

  3. Doris says:

    This was very, very good and comes from your heart Suzanne. You know you can do it. It takes a lot of hard work, and you really have to look to your inner strength to make it happen. You’re still young, and it’s easier now to get it off than it is later on in life. I wish I was with you to help motivate each other. I will look to you for my motivation. I myself need to get back on track. I appreciate what you stated here. It will really help me, and, hopefully, we can motivate each other. I have more motivation just reading the wonderful “perspective” that you wrote. I know you can do it! Love you and miss you sooooooooooooooo very much. Mom & Dad too xo xo xo xo xo etc., etc., etc.

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