I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my mini-breakdown last week. Obsessing really. Wondering why it was such a catastrophe when I’ve had far worse binges along the way, and done seriously way stupider crap to my body. Enough people, though, smacked me upside the head to tell me to pull my head out of my ass and look at the big picture. And the angels sang from above. Shouldn’t have been this massive revelation, but it was. I’ve been at this for somewhere around four hundred and sixty something days. And I’ll be at it for the rest of my life. These things happen.
I don’t actually live my life in this big, food-obsessed, shame bubble. Actually, most of the time I’m pretty well-adjusted as far as eating is concerned (which might be why I freaked out so big time last week). Lemme tell you a secret, sometimes I weird out, get completely irrational for no good reason, and decide to dwell on something. HELLO, OCD HERE. I’m the girl that can’t sleep if she thinks the cans in her cupboard are facing the wrong way. So, when something in my world goes just a little haywire, like my eating for a couple of days, I’m likely to think the worst possible things. Then logic kicks in somewhere between zero and crazy.
Our heads are not that easy to figure out, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it. Would losing weight were as simple as eating less and exercising more, but these brain-things get in there and muck it right the hell up.
I’m done obsessing.
So, happy Monday and Happy Valentine’s Day. Based on my normally sarcastic and cynical mien, you might think I don’t appreciate a commercially created simply for the purposes of bilking money from millions of people holiday like Valentine’s Day. HAHAHA. No, I don’t appreciate the consumerism associated with it, but the idea of celebrating love is a good one.
This week I’m going to focus on loving me. Something I don’t do nearly often enough. Starting today, I’m committing to doing these three things:
- Every time I look in the mirror I will compliment myself;
- Focus on eating foods that nourish my whole body; and
- Approach my workouts as a way to love my body, not battle and/or beat it into submission.
And, in the spirit of loving myself (yeah, I know how *bad* that sounds), do you wanna know what my gift to myself was this weekend? All that weight I thought I put on with my binge last week is gone! And some.
Week of 2/6/11 – 2/12/11 Stats
Weigh-in Day: Saturday, February 12, 2011
Starting Weight: 291.6
Previous Weight: 219.8
Current Weight: 218.2
Difference: -1.6 lbs
Total Weight Removed: -73.4 lbs
Total Percentage of Weight Removed: 25.1%
That might also be the reason I stopped stressing about the binge. >_<
Finally, I also want to send out a very special Valentine's wish to my DH, who puts up with my crazy, provides a shoulder to cry on when I'm frustrated for no good reason, and supports me in every weird endeavor I choose to pursue. I may not always show you how much I care, but I really do. Thank you for always being there. I love you.
Have a very Happy Valentine's Day folks. If you don't have a special someone to be your Valentine, be your own Valentine and do something to love you.