Been feeling pretty down today after seeing a picture of me from the weekend. You know how it is, feeling kinda awesome and thinking you look pretty good, then BANG, there’s this picture and it isn’t what you thought.
Sunday afternoon, I took the opportunity (willingly!) to go hiking with some friends down at Uvas Canyon County Park. The weather was perfect, sixty some odd degrees (yes, sixty – that’s why I live in California), and we were in the middle of a reprieve from the rain. What better opportunity to get out, enjoy ourselves and catch up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while?
WARNING: This is not the Zan you’re looking for, she has been replaced by some alternate universe version of herself.
Like I said, I was feeling really good about myself, and the hike was a lot of fun. One friend was running around taking pictures most of the hike. Instead of hiding from the camera, I was interested to see how I looked after losing 65+ lbs.
Here’s a sampling of the thoughts that ran through my head after seeing some of these pictures: a) I obviously have a lot more work to do; b) my thighs look like sausages; c) won’t be wearing those jeans again for a while; d) is my belly really THAT big?; e) Dear lord in heaven, why is my forehead sooooo freaking large; and several other really ugly thoughts that I will not share here.
Guess who’s their own worst critic? Oh yeah, that’d be me.
Part of me contemplated posting the offending picture here and circling everything I find wrong with it. Which isn’t a good idea.
Why, why, WHY do I have to pick apart every miniscule detail? What is it about me that can’t celebrate obvious progress? So, to be fair, I was never all that fab about myself in pictures even when I was younger and much smaller. So why should I be okay with them now? I’ll probably never get over this whole not liking pictures of myself thing.
So, instead of obsessing over that freaking picture (which I’ve been doing – all morning), I’ve decided to focus on something positive.
Good thoughts for today:
1) I went effing hiking. And enjoyed it.
2) I’m wearing smaller sizes than I’ve worn in ages.
3) None of those sizes begin with a two followed by another number.
4) I feel amazing, and can do so many things that I couldn’t do a year ago.
Alright, obsessing mostly over, moving on, nothing more to see here. And hope everyone has a great week!