Insert Four-Letter Word Here

Fair warning, I’m about to go off on a ranting tangent, but before I go off on my tangent, allow me to apologize. I’m in a bad mood – something that happened this weekend set me off and stupid things are upsetting me, so I’m just trying to get it all down before I explode.

One thing I pride myself on is being as honest and open with people as possible, to the extent I often find myself with foot firmly entrenched in mouth, but the simple fact is: I hate pretending. For cases of social acceptability, however, I accept there are times pretending is a necessity, hence I keep my freaking mouth shut and swallow what I *want* to say.

We (the hubby and I) have a friend, let’s call her A, who is a very large woman. Very large. When I met A, A was part of a family of large people, and she had many larger friends. As the years passed by, her large family realized that they were too large and did something about it, and many of those larger friends moved on. Now, A is still there clinging to delusions of Fat Acceptance and “not having a problem” (except when she does).

Now, the A problem might be mitigated if she were, in fact, *my* friend and I could say something to her without offending her, but she’s not; she’s actually my husband’s friend. They’ve been friends since high school so I try not to stick my two cents in (even if she tried her damndest to make sure we didn’t get together when we first met).

Since Dave and I got married, we don’t spend much time with A. Our groups of friends don’t overlap anymore and she’s “uncomfortable” with my going to Weight Watchers. She thinks I need to accept my body and not try to change it. When the rare “opportunity” to hang out comes up, I usually wave at the hubby, tell him to have fun and go shopping. In the event that A wants me there too, we have an unspoken agreement: I keep my mouth shut and pretend to enjoy myself.

A just turned thirty and invited us (me and the hubby) to her birthday party. Ah yes, the omnipresent birthday party wherein I know almost know one and have no interest in the activities planned. Joy. The upshot was that it was at her parents home, and we’re good friends with her parents so I ignored the little digs and complaints about this and that, and even managed to summon up a little bit of excitement for board games (woohoo).

It turned out to be a beautiful evening and the party wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d worried until I overheard A making fun of me to her friends. Talk about a slap in the face. Seriously, do you have to make yourself feel better by making fun of other people? I spent the rest of the evening fuming and silently reminding myself that it was her birthday, I shouldn’t go and take her down a couple of notches in front of her friends.

Rant ends here.

So I barely made it through the evening, but I got to thinking. How unhappy must A be with her life? She’s surrounded by thin people and people who are getting thinner. I was an easy target for her malice. A has decided that she’s “happy” with who and what she is and lashed out at me. Fine. Fine. It’s up to her to realize she has a problem. For now, I’ve decided I’m going to stop pretending around A because I’m happy with the choices I’ve made and the life I’m leading. This is one of those cases that “socially acceptable” doesn’t apply anymore, so she can deal.

I also have to add how proud I am of my response to her hurtful behavior. Yes, my gut instinct was to hurt her back and eat the bitterness away, but I didn’t. I stuck with my plan and I can look forward to seeing a loss at the scale when I weigh in tomorrow.

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About singingforasmallerme

I'm just a girl doing a thing. A little sarcastic, a little cynical, and a total sassbot. Nothing's off limits here, but my primary focus is weight loss. Still, you might find commentary on anything ranging from makeup to music to fashion to beer and dancing.
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6 Responses to Insert Four-Letter Word Here

  1. shrinkingirl says:

    Ok, first.. way to go for keeping your mouth shut… it’s hard to do in those situations… especially when you’ve gone out of your way to be nice to someone and you hear them making fun of you. Also, kudos on not turning to food… another big accomplishment.
    Second, the main gripe I have with the fat acceptance group as a whole (and I’m about to make a big, sweeping generalization based upon personal experience) is that they seem to shoot you down should you want to lose weight. But see, not all of us love our bodies when we’re severely overweight. I sure didn’t. I’m still overweight now but the difference is…. I love my body. Wanting to improve your health or get to a point where you feel sexy is not something to be looked down upon -in my opinion anyway- and it seems as though most people who push fat acceptance can’t accept an individual’s right to want to FEEL good in their skin. There are plenty of bigger women who rock their curves, I was never one of them. I always wished I could be one of them. Now I’m definitely more self-assured. I rock my (smaller) curves now.
    My point? The only body you HAVE to accept is the one in which you feel comfortable and if she feels she has to lecture you about how you feel or how you should feel… well, I’d say she’s got too much time on her hands, is miserable in her own life, or looking for the fault in others.
    Fat acceptance is great but if you don’t like yourself anyway, what good does it do?
    You’re doing a great job. You are a fantastic person. And whatever that witch said when she was making fun of you is a bunch of bull. I don’t even have to hear it to know!
    By the way, your photo over there looks AWESOME!

    • Thanks. It was a difficult day. All the same, it was pretty rewarding because it showed a sticktoitiveness I didn’t think I had.

      I’m with you on fat acceptance. Sadly, the problem is a few, loud, bad eggs that sour the pool for others actually making a real go at it.

      Thanks for the support. It really helps.

  2. Connie says:

    I’m sorry she hurt your feelings, and in such a behind the back way. No fun.

    Okay, so correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t everyone have the right to determine what size they want to be? No one has the right to make you feel bad about making this decision to change your body. My whole problem with fat acceptance, skinny bitches, whatever, is the amount of body snarking that goes with the territory. Accepting fat and taking a stand against the discrimination that often accompanies being overweight does not mean it’s okay to put down anyone who doesn’t fit into the “fat” category. Putting down anything that differs from your personal preference is exactly the sort of mentality Fat Acceptance was trying to fight!

    We should celebrate women in their entirety of shapes and sizes; large or small, no curves or renaissance painting voluptuous, all are real women to me.

    • Amen to that! In the end, it does come down to personal choice. I’m sad for this person because she’s expressed a desire to change, but won’t do anything to effect that change. Oh well, the only person I can really help us myself, and that’s that.

  3. First, love pictures!

    Second, I completely agree, happy people don’t need to drag down others, period. People who are happy and content don’t gain satisfaction from that sort of thing.
    It’s too bad and way to let it ride, it’s so very hard to do but awesome when you can manage it. Happy birthday to her! And I beat she doesn’t realize what an awesome present you gave her (or didn’t give her, lol)

    • Thanks! It’s been too long since I promised myself I’d add progress pictures, but finally had a few minutes.

      I’ve basically decided I’m done with this person. If they want to be my friend, they can accept me, I won’t bend over backwards again.

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