A Portrait of a Girl

I am flawed. This is something I have grown to accept. I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try. There will be days I fall off the wagon, days I don’t want to exercise, and days that I don’t want to and won’t log every bite of food I eat.

I get depressed. There are times when I get depressed and can’t see my way clear to eat anything, and times when I get depressed and want to eat everything in sight.

I get angry. Angry at myself, angry at the world, angry at people who know how to eat. I get angry that I can’t always eat what I want to eat when I want go eat it, and angry that I have to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to sweat my ass off. But mostly, I’m angry at myself for letting my weight get this bad.

I am jealous. Jealous of people who know how to eat, and people who have taken the weight off and kept it off.

I am afraid. Afraid that when I lose the weight I’ll somehow screw it up, and will wind up even worse than I am now.

I’m tired. Tired of people telling me how I should lose my weight, and giving me their “good” advice.

I’m introspective. When all else fails, I disappear into myself to figure out what’s wrong. Today is an introspective day. I’m moody and have already cried once today for no good reason. Guess it’s time to tune out for a couple of hours and figure out what’s wrong.

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About singingforasmallerme

I'm just a girl doing a thing. A little sarcastic, a little cynical, and a total sassbot. Nothing's off limits here, but my primary focus is weight loss. Still, you might find commentary on anything ranging from makeup to music to fashion to beer and dancing.
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4 Responses to A Portrait of a Girl

  1. Shelly says:

    *hugs*

    Call me if you need to chat!

  2. shrinkingirl says:

    Wow… you could be describing me and the way I feel.

    It is hard work no matter what anyone says.
    It is individual no matter what anyone says.
    It is scary as all get out no matter what anyone says.
    It is frustrating and it leads you to think you’re flawed when you’re really a beautiful individual full of talents and shortcomings just like the rest of us.
    Keep your head high, I think you’re fantastic and I have the same fears and the same angers.

    • When the going becomes tough that is essentially my mantra. It helps that I gave myself a lot of mental preparation time. Time to recognize that the goal of my weight loss journey is not perfection – no one’s perfect and anyone who says they are is lying to themselves. Just being able to get back on plan is a huge step for me.

      Thanks for your support!

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